Day Two - 500 Calories

Well, it's day two of the ABC Diet.

I'm supposed to have 500 calories again today.

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is I step on the scale.

Today, I had maintained my weight from yesterday. It's wild how the scale determines how I feel about myself. How my entire day will go. I know weighing myself makes me upset when I haven't lost any weight. That has never changed nor will it ever change.

When I haven't lost anything, I feel so terrible about myself and all I want to do is just water fast and hope that it'll go down again the next day. I feel huge, I want to stay in my apartment and not do anything or see anyone. I know I can't do that, though, so today I am trying my hardest to just pick myself back up and make myself continue on with my day.

 

I take Green Coffee Bean extract when I feel like my metabolism needs a boost. I've been restricting so much that my metabolism is so slow, it will hold onto anything I feed it. So today I decided to take a couple Green Coffee Bean extract pills and hope my metabolism speeds up enough to get all the shit in my body flowing again.

 

I also haven't taken laxatives in so long. I know they're bad for me, so I've been trying to keep myself off of them. I know what they do to me, and I know how terrible my body is from taking so many of them. But I am just so down about not losing anything, I feel like it is because (TMI) I haven't had a normal BM in who knows how long. I'm seriously, seriously, debating taking some today just to try to get some of the crap my body is holding onto out of my system.

We'll see, though. I've been doing so well lately. Maybe I'll come up with another solution. Maybe the coffee will speed it up enough.

Anyway I am not in such a good mood so I'll leave it at that.

Onward with day two!

OOTD

Here's the dress I was talking about earlier. It hid all the flaws all over my body, which was why I liked it so much. I felt ssoo bloated all day it was ridiculous and I was so glad to be wearing a maxi dress that could hide my stomach, because I felt like my stomach was looking pregnant or something.

I also forgot my new water bottle (that I talked up so much) at home, and work was crazy, so I had a sugar free energy drink, but I felt like I was going to pass out so I had a low cal caprese sandwich.

 

Let's see how close I got to my 500 calories today:

1 mug of coffee - 10

2 tbsp. creamer - 64

(so many cal just for creamer omg)

Sugar Free Rockstar - 10

(It says zero, but I don't trust that)

Caprese Sandwich - 390

 

So I'm at 474 Calories for the day

That's close enough to 500. I wanted to get as close to the caloric limit as possible, and I think 474 is GREAT

 

One thing I do know, though, is that I need need need to step up my water drinking. I'll have to work on getting a lot more water into my system tomorrow.

I'll be ready to do a new update in the morning!

Day One -500 Calories

Today is Day 1 of the ABC Diet. I'm allowed 500 calories today.

One thing I know people don't tend to think about is that EVERY calorie counts. I could have 500 calories all at once if I have some fatty sugary Starbucks drink. Just one fancy coffee and I could have had all the calories I can have for the day and then it's nothing but water for the rest of the day.

I'd prefer to get all my calories from liquids as much as possible. I just feel better about myself when I'm only consuming liquids. Passing solid food across my lips just feels wrong, like I'm failing, so I'm going to try to make sure that I do, in fact, consume 500 calories, but I will probably do some kind of soup or something.

Okay, so here is my starting point. My current weight is 139.2

I always weigh myself 3 times. I feel like I'm never going to get an accurate reading on the scale, so whatever happens to be the highest weight on my scale is the current weight I will use.

My Ultimate Goal Weight (UGW) is 100 but I don't necessarily expect to get there just from doing ABC, but I do know that is completely achievable. I only have about 40lbs to lose. People lose 40lbs all the time. I can lose 40lbs too.

According to the BMI chart, I am at a 19.4 BMI, and for my height (I am quite tall) the lowest "normal" weight is 132.7

I want to be underweight for sure. So my first goal weight (GW1) will be 132.6 so that I can officially have an "underweight" BMI.

Now this is where I get vulnerable. Everyone has a starting point. Here is mine. I know I am huge. It makes me so nervous to post this knowing how out of shape, how full of blubber, how incredibly big I am to begin. I know I have a TON of body parts to work on. So I'm posting my starting point, but I'm also posting all the things I hope will improve immensely by the end of these 50 days.

So there I am. Huge. So many improvements to be made. I cannot wait to have an "after" picture. It is so uncomfortable knowing that I don't have any progress to show yet. I will. I know I will. But I feel like I've let myself go so much. I cannot believe how big I am, and how far I have to go.

 

 I took the pictures yesterday so I could spend some time on it and show everything that needs to be fixed. Obviously there is so much more that needs to be fixed but there you have it. It'll get better, though. It has to.

 

One of the things while doing ABC is that I know I need to drink more water, so I got a new water bottle with a little filter attached to the straw so I can continuously refill it and ensure I am drinking plenty of water every day. I tend to forget about drinking water regularly and I am sure that will help a lot with my bloating too. I know I won't be "good" at remembering to drink water right away, but if I develop no other good habits from this, I would at least like to be drinking more water.

 

I got a new dress for today. I'll post a picture when I get the chance. It is so cute and it made me feel better about myself when I put it on, especially after all the pictures of myself and realizing how far I have to go.

 

And now, it's time to get on with Day One! I am excited about the progress I'll be sure to see. I also made a calendar with all the caloric limits for each day and a chart to track my progress just to be sure I stay on track. Well, here goes nothin'!



ABC Diet - Starting a 50 Day Journey

So here I am. Let me introduce myself. I'm 26, I have a good career, I'm a workaholic, I'm a bubbly person, I have a great life, and I'm anorexic.

I'm always stuck between recovery and relapse, but keeping myself accountable might make me finally stick to something. Who knows what it'll be. I've suffered from this long enough, I don't need anyone telling me anything or trying to make me think otherwise. I know this is bad for me. I know it is unhealthy. I know people worry about me. This is who I am, and I'm not going to deal with anyone trying to change me.

I've been suffering from anorexia for as long as I can remember. I know I've always grown up as a tall and slender girl, but all I have ever seen is all the fat all over my body. I've resorted to some intense ways of getting the weight off, and this is merely another part of my journey to reach my ultimate goal weight.

Most people in the ana/mia/ednos community (those of us who bond over social media because of our common ground: disordered mindsets on food and eating) have heard of the ABC Diet. This is the abbreviation for the Ana Boot Camp Diet. It is all about restricting. I restrict all the time, so I know it won't be too difficult, but this is my way of testing just how much the ABC Diet will work. I want to know what the results would be, and I am going to be documenting all 50 days in order to best capture the true results.

I am in no way encouraging anyone to do the ABC Diet. I know it is dangerous, and I know it is totally unhealthy. But like I said, I know all these things, but ultimately I care more about being tiny and weightless than I do about anything else.

So the ABC Diet is a 50 Day journey. It has a caloric limit for each day, and that is exactly what I intend to do.

I've done this before, I saw amazing results, but I didn't document it at all and I did not always do exactly as the diet says. So this is where I'll begin. Since it's already quite late in the day, I am going to make tomorrow my starting day to make sure everything is as accurate as possible.

I'll post pictures, videos, whatever I can post over the next 50 days to show how much or how little it is working. Let the journey begin.

**DISCLAIMER**

This particular online journal of mine might be a trigger for some readers (if there are any readers at all). I am in NO WAY trying to promote eating disorders, and if you or someone you know suffers from an eating disorder, get help. There are hotlines and websites everywhere with ways to help someone from falling into the terrible pit that is an eating disorder. Please, do not think there is anything glamorous about an eating disorder, and you can get help. Even if I can't, I would never EVER want to bring anyone down with me.